Girls, Boys, and Edward Cullen
by Constantia
Summary: Jessica Stanley is an ordinary girl in her freshman year at Forks High. What will happen when an extraordinary family moves to town? Join Jessica in her wild adventures in her vain attempt to seduce Edward Cullen! Canon
1. The New Kids in Town

Author's Note:

Okay, so here's the deal. After posting the first chapter I got a beta, the amazing SassyGeminiMom, and revised the chapter. The plot is the same. The only differences are the verb tenses and the ending. I've been writing Chapter 2 and realized while writing it that Jessica was too young to drive. So, I've made the necessary changes in both chapters and have scolded myself for being so silly.

Thanks again to SassyGeminiMom. You are a lifesaver! Thanks you SO much! 3

… and thanks to Sophia, of course. You know I could never forget you. You're always there when I need to brainstorm. Thanks 

I'm sure some people must have gotten excited thinking Chapter 2 was here. Sorry. I'll post it as soon as I can. I'm almost done! But… if you read my new and improved Chapter 1 I promise to divulge some interesting information.

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer.

No copyright infringement is intended.

(btw: as for the embarrassing misspelling of Stephenie Meyer in the last A/N. I have since learned that my computer autocorrects Stephenie to Stephanie. Thanks for pointing it out or I might never have noticed.)

Chapter 1 – The New Kids in Town

I've lived in Forks my entire life. It's all I've known. No matter how much I complain at times I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Forks has been my kingdom. In this little, green, wet town I reigned. Or at least I tried to. Not to sound all self-centered and narcissistic or anything, but it was true. I was a natural leader. My peers looked to me for guidance. Since I was a popular, athletic, and – dare I say- pretty damn hot freshman it was rather expected. Not to mention that I was friends with people from my year all the way up to the senior class.

I don't want to sound like I was some arch nemesis that wanted to take over the world or something ('I am a leader! Obey me!'). What I mean is that people at my school trusted my judgment. It was always a huge deal when someone new moved to town and an even bigger deal when one of the new people was enrolled at our school. My opinion on where they should sit in the cafeteria and overall social status within the school was crucial. I've never been wrong.

When Eric moved to Forks I remember people being shocked that I invited him to sit with us. Everyone in the group had been friends since elementary school so it was only natural that we were really tight. It was rare that we let anyone else in, especially if they were new. At first I thought Eric would be a fun gay friend. Turned out he was straight. However, I wasn't about to lose faith. My instincts had never been wrong before; time would tell when it came to what team Eric played for. He became an avid member of the yearbook committee and, trust me, you wanted friends on the yearbook committee. Those kids could be ruthless.

Today, my social skills would be put to the test yet again. This rich family had just moved here from Alaska. That's right, Alaska! I didn't understand why people would actually live there by choice. I mean, yeah, you would probably have some pretty sweet snowboarding sites. But geez, that was not enough to make me want to move there. Not to mention that, with my luck, it would probably be some kind of Eskimo family and not even know what snowboarding was. I know I've said I loved Forks but it had a seriously tiny selection of datable guys.

The only guy I would seriously have considered going out with was Mike Newton. He was way gorgeous, sweet, athletic, smiled really nice and… I should probably stop now. He'd been showing some interest in me, but Lauren had been really friendly with him recently (even though she was supposed to be getting together with Alex Simmons) and Mike had noticed. Lauren had been my friend and had sat at our table since the second grade, but she'd turned into this boy-crazy sleaze. I felt kind of sorry for her because no one was going to take her seriously like that.

"Jessica, sweetie…" _God, my mom can make herself sound so patronizing sometimes. _"…I thought I asked you to wash the dishes last night?" _Crap._

"Um… I don't think so mom. I would've remembered."

"Really? Because I thought I said you could borrow my new red shirt if you walked the dog and washed the dishes."

Ah! I had totally forgotten. This was just perfect! I couldn't walk down there and play dumb when I was wearing the stupid shirt and I couldn't take the shirt off because –- even if it was a family of Eskimos coming to my school-- first impressions were priceless. I wish it hadn't looked so good on me.

"Sweetie…" _I swear to God if I ever put on a voice like that please shoot me on the spot. _ "…wash the dishes before school and you can wear the shirt."

"But it's already twenty to eight. You don't want me to be late, do you?"

"Sorry, I thought you wanted to wear my red shirt."

It was always like this. I wanted to get my ears pierced and suddenly the front hall needed to be painted. When I wanted to go on a field trip with my geography class to La Push, I had to wash and wax my dad's car. It was ridiculous.

"Okay, I'll be right down"

I managed to eat breakfast, wash the dishes, made it seem as though I had finished my math homework and arrived at school with five minutes to spare. I walked into math and Lauren was already there waiting by my desk. She was so absorbed in her conversation with these two other girls in our class she didn't even notice Mike who was desperately trying to get her attention from his seat two rows behind her. It must have been some really big gossip. I couldn't remember the last time Lauren even said hi to those girls. Mr. Deacon had just said the words 'pop quiz' and Lauren hadn't so much as flinched. It must have been really huge, ground breaking, exciting news!

The last time Lauren had gotten that excited about anything was _The Pregnancy Pandemonium_ two years before. Stacy, the center of all the chaos, had graduated since then but no one would ever forget her. It hadn't taken more than an hour or so for the entire school to find out about her suspected pregnancy. It was the biggest scandal Forks had seen in _years_ especially since Stacy was the reverend's daughter. She got called to meet with the guidance counselor and then the nurse. Even her dad received calls from other concerned parents about the example she was setting. It was absolute chaos! But, it didn't last long. It turned out she'd just had food poisoning from the Sloppy Joes in the cafeteria. _Ew!_

Mr. Deacon was about to start his lesson so I sat and started unpacking my textbook and binder as nonchalantly as I could. My efforts to seem uninterested were wasted as Lauren threw herself down into her seat as spun around to face me.

"Oh. My. God. Have you seen them!"

"Who?"

The one thing Mr. Deacon had always said he hated most was people talking during his lessons. For that reason, Lauren and I were the students he hated most. "Ladies, I'm going to start. So, if you would like to gossip I suggest you take it down to the principal's office." Lauren's guilty smile told him that a talk with the principle wouldn't be necessary and Mr. Deacon turned to face the board. This threat was made almost every day and Lauren and I always kept talking. There were so many more important things to talk about than _y=mx+b_.

"The new kids", she whispered, "Have you seen them?"

"The Eskimos?"

"I was going to call them "gorgeous" or "godly" or something like that. But, if that's what _you_ call them…"

"Wait, so you're saying there is an actual hot guy at Forks High?"

"I'm saying there are _three_ unbelievably hot guys at Forks High."

"Oh my God!" I lowered my voice as Mr. Deacon's chalk screeched in irritation on the black board. "How old are they?"

"Well-- Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie are in the tenth grade. Alice is in grade nine-"

"What are the sisters like?"

"Hollywood worthy." _Crap_. _Well, at least we don't have to worry about them as competition with the other Eskimos since they're all siblings._ "And then there's Edward Cullen. By far the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen _and_ in grade nine, like us."

I could feel the muscles in my cheeks straining from the size of my smile. This was so much better than Stacy's false pregnancy! I needed to see the Cullens with my own eyes! I needed to see Edward.

As I walked to English with Mike (something I usually looked forward to all day), I couldn't stop thinking about the Cullens. Everyone was talking about these new kids in town that looked like something out of GQ. I felt as though I was the only person in all of Forks who hadn't seen them, but I would. All I had to do was get through English class and I would finally be able to hurry into the cafeteria and get my first look at these mesmerizing Eskimos.

I was so preoccupied that I almost didn't say goodbye as Mike turned towards his science class. It seemed as though today he wasn't getting any of the attention he usually expected from ladies. Then again, maybe he was just as busy thinking about Alice or Rosalie. From what I had heard they were unlike any girl Forks had ever seen. Supposedly, they dressed only in designer clothes and drove to school in a silver Volvo that made a really lousy attempt at blending in. I didn't really have a choice but to invite them to sit at my table.

I wondered if Lauren was planning on making a move on this Edward guy. Not that I would have held it against her if he really was as good looking as she said. At least it would have kept her away from Mike and given me a shot at him. I mean, what did Edward have that Mike didn't? There was no way he could be as perfect as everyone says he was. I was still comparing Mike and the Eskimo Edward when I walked into class and came to an abrupt stop.

There he was. Edward Cullen was sitting patiently in my English class, waiting for the bell to ring and the lesson to start. Lauren was not exaggerating. In fact, she hadn't even come close to describing how beautiful he really was. There was no way he was fourteen. His copper hair and pale, flawless skin made me want to reach out and touch him just to prove to myself that he was real. I thought I was going to melt! There was no way this statuesque, Grecian God was- Oh my god he was looking at me! Had I just said that out loud! No, of course not. He looked away almost immediately and focused on the mountain of papers Miss Ridley had piled on his desk. There was no way I had said that out loud, others would have noticed. He must have heard the door open and looked up in curiosity. Why was I so stupid? Edward Cullen looked at me and I just stood there like a deer in headlights.

I went to take my seat and tried to make it seem as though my legs had _not _fallen asleep while trying to walk along a balance beam. It had been going pretty well when I realized my seat had been taken. Edward Cullen was in my seat! This was too perfect. I was about to say something, I hadn't quite decided on what, when he suddenly turned around.

"Sorry, is this your seat?" _Oh, he talks as velvety as he looks._

"Um… uh-huh." _Smooth Jess, real smooth._

"Well, let me get out of your way then," he said as he picked up his things and moved towards another empty seat in the back of the class. Why couldn't I have said no! Why couldn't I have said something moderately intelligent and flirtatious? Why hadn't I said anything at all! Maybe I would have to give up on Edward Cullen and go crawling back to Mike who, let's face it, was more into Lauren than he was into me.

The second bell rang and Miss Ridley quickly took her place in the front of the class. In big, bubbly capital letters across the board she had written: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Miss Ridley was always quoting books we had never heard of and started lessons with what were probably the most random and useless passages she could think of. Today it was something about truth and marriage. Or, wait, that wasn't right. Did it say rich single guys were always looking for girlfriends? I thought it did. I wondered if Edward was on the market. So, I tried to look back at him innocently as I pretended to flip my hair. One glance couldn't hurt. I hadn't dared to hope but I was sure he was looking directly at me; his face was in an unmistakable expression of awe. If there wasn't such hard evidence I wouldn't have believed it myself. Edward Cullen had a thing for me! He suddenly looked down embarrassed at his desk. I dazzled him!

It turned out the quote on the board had been from _Pride and Prejudice. _ I had thought it sounded vaguely familiar. Angela made me watch a six hour mini-series version when I went over to her place for a sleep over once. I swear she was almost as bad as Miss Ridley. I didn't remember much from the movie except for a bathtub and wet t-shirt scene on the behalf on Colin Firth. That alone had _almost_ made it worthwhile. I didn't remember hating it or anything, only wishing we had gone to Lauren's instead. Angela was sweet and all but she was my go to friend when I needed someone serious and understanding to talk to or if I was failing math and needed a tutor. Lauren on the other hand was all about having fun. If we had been at her place we would've done makeovers, talked about boys, and made each other do really stupid dares. Instead, I watched a bunch of 'vexed' people go around saying how they exceedingly 'admired' one another. I don't know what I would have done if we were to live like they did. In the entire six hours I don't think anyone ever made it to first base!

Finally Miss Ridley started to wrap up her lecture on etiquette and courting in 19th century England. I could have saved the whales in the time it took this woman to get a single thought across. There was only a few minutes left in the period before lunch so I started packing up to go. I wanted to make sure I didn't miss Edward after class so that I could invite him and his family to sit with us. Now that I thought of it, we needed a bigger table. All of a sudden the bell rang. I jumped up and headed towards Edward.

"Hey-" _What was I going to say after that? Oh, crap! He is too distracting! I walk all the way over here and have nothing to say. I must seem really stupid right about now._

"Hi, I'm Edward."

"I know." I _shouldn't have said that. Now I sound like a stalker. _"Some class, eh_?" Well that comment didn't help me out any. Why can't I do anything right today?_

"Austen is classic."

"What?" _Austen? Like, shaggadelic Austen?_

"Jane Austen." He was looking at me as though I had just said Elvis was alive. "She's the author of Pride and Prejudice." _Of course, it's only what Miss Ridley was talking about all class._

"Oh, yeah. Totally. I love her." _Okay, six words. Not bad. Now maybe I can change the subject before I get in way over my head._

"Really? What's your favorite?" _It's like he knows exactly what I don't want him to say and then says it._

"Definitely Pride and Prejudice." _I am loving Angela for making me watch that stupid mini-series._

"Really?" He was flashing me a cheeky grin, I loved it. "That's my favorite too."

"Oh my god, we have so much in common!" _Crap. I sounded _way_ too excited_. _He's going to think I'm such a freak. Quick Jessica, change the subject. What did you come over here? _"You know, you should totally sit with me and my friends at lunch. Your brothers and sisters can come too, if you want."

"Thanks, but my siblings and I usually sit together and I wouldn't want to make your other friends feel awkward. We would make a big addition to your group."

_What!? _ No one had ever turned down sitting at my table before. I didn't care how gorgeous this guy was, it wasn't right. Didn't he realize what it meant to be invited to sit with us on his first day? People had been trying to get into our group since grade school and I was giving him a free pass. He couldn't even give me a good excuse: 'My siblings and I usually sit together' _blah blah blah_. _Lame!_

"Oh, well maybe another time." _What? I can't let him know what I'm really thinking._

"Sorry to disappoint-"

"I'm not disappointed." Before I could barely get words out of my mouth, now I ccouldn't shut up. "Come on, at least let me walk you to the cafeteria. I'm not going to let you roam around with no idea where to go like some loser." I smiled as sweetly as I could and walked out of the room gesturing for him to follow me.

As we walked down the hall I couldn't help but notice all the people staring at Edward, at me with Edward. This was so great. I just walked by Lauren and her mouth was hanging open so wide it looked as though someone had disconnected her jaw. Not only that, she had been talking to Mike Newton who looked just as shocked. I never thought making Mike jealous would be so easy. It looked like he and Edward might not get along so well in the future. I led Edward towards the cafeteria and he held the door open for me. That was it, he was totally into me.

While I was trying to decide what to have for lunch I noticed Edward was just tossing things onto his tray. I didn't even think he was really paying attention to what it is he was grabbing. I was hoping to get a few more minutes of Edward time (and maybe even convince him to eat with me) so I grabbed my blue slushy and tried to catch up. Just as I came up behind him I saw Lauren heading towards our table. She was no longer paying attention to Mike and instead was staring in the direction of the doors to the cafeteria. Behind her I saw that just about everyone else in the cafeteria was looking towards the same place just behind me. I kept walking but turned my head to see what all the fuss was about. Then, I saw them: The Other Cullens. They were all so… perfect. The blonde girl , who I couldn't really call a girl, was probably the most beautiful young woman I had ever seen, _ever._ She was walking alongside a big guy with short brown hair and meticulously defined muscles. It was hard to believe anyone could look like that without being on roids but, for some reason, I didn't think he was. Next in line was tall, blonde, and beautiful. He had this serious expression that was really quite sexy, although it probably wouldn't have looked like that on anyone else. The last Cullen I saw (I probably noticed her last because she's so short) looked almost like a pixie if you were to take away the wings. They all had the same fair, flawless skin and moved more gracefully than I'd ever seen before. I have to say, I still found Edward the most attractive but _damn_. Their parents passed along some serious beauty genes.

I was so caught up in staring at the Cullens, who just walked in, that I didn't notice that Edward had stopped walking. It felt as though I had walked into a concrete wall as I rammed into him. My slushy spilled all down the front of me as I bounced off of him and fell back into Eric's lunch tray. This couldn't have possibly gotten any worse! No, it could. Eric had chili for lunch and now I had it all over my back and my hair. I didn't know what to do seeing as my front felt like it had just been cryogenically frozen by my slushy while my back was being scalded by Eric's chili. I ended up moaning something along the lines of "Cold. Coldcoldcold! Hothothothothot! Hot! Cold".

That didn't even come close to making my situation any less embarrassing. I began to get up and the first thing I saw was Mike Newton laughing at me. As I looked around I saw that everyone had joined in laughing at me in my pathetic state sprawled across the floor. I even saw a couple camera phones. I was never going to live this down.

I couldn't stay there any longer. Edward was reaching out to help me up but there was no way I was letting anyone near me right now. God! It was _mortifying_! I needed to get out of there! I darted towards the cafeteria doors and out of the building.

I ran over to the line of bikes locked up in front of the school. Usually I would walk or get a ride with one of my older friends to get to school but I was running late this morning and my mom refused to drive me. I didn't mind so much this morning but the thought of biking home with my chili covered hair flapping in the wind wasn't quite so appealing. My only other option was to call my mom to come pick me up but there was no way I was going back into that school to call her. My decision was made and straddled the bike with every intention of pedaling out of that parking lot as fast as I possibly could. Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind and I looked down at my mom's new red shirt. It was purple. I was so dead.

End Note:

I told you I would divulge some Chapter 2 info if you read the new Chapter 1!

Unless of course you only scrolled down, in which case I am a disappointed but can't really do anything about it.

Either way, here it is: The title of Girls, Boys, and Edward Cullen Chapter 2 is……

*drum roll*

'Meet the Parents'


	2. Meet The Parents

A/N:

Thank you sooo much SassyGeminiMom for beta-ing and of course Sophia for your devoted friendship and fanship.

I know this chapter took painfully long the next one will come faster, I swear!

I own nothing. Everything Twilight belongs to SM.

BTW Jessica is listening to I'm Not Okay by My Chemical Romance. I know it's a little extreme and emo but she's just being an overly sensitive and dramatic teenage girl.

Chapter Two – Meet the Parents

_What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!_

I'm not okay!

After the day's events I had decided to turn emo and had shut myself in my room with a serious case of teen angst. The rest of my afternoon was spent yelling out lyrics and jumping around my room to My Chemical Romance. I wasn't seriously considering dying my hair black and writing dark poetry or anything. I just needed to be an egocentric teenager and brood.

I was being as depressing as possible and began thinking about how, maybe, if I was lucky, I might die of shame. Then I wouldn't have to face everyone at school tomorrow. My mind continued to wander and I began making a mental list of the different ways I would like to die (emo music can put you in that kind of mood).

Drowning sounded like a nice way to go. You would struggle at first and all but after coming to terms with the whole impending doom thing it would probably be like going to sleep, right? I was considering jumping off a cliff into swirling waters that would carry me off to a better place; a better place where everyone I had ever met (and then some) hadn't seen the heinous picture of me sprawled out on the cafeteria floor covered in blue slushy and mystery meat chili.

I had eventually moved on from the chaotic singing stage and was checking MySpace as I did every day. God, I hated the internet! As if the initial humiliation wasn't enough, now I could relive it as a photo slideshow, motivational poster, and screen saver. The countless means of embarrassment the internet has to offer is really quite astonishing.

I turned off the computer with a sigh and made my way towards the kitchen. On the fridge door my mom had attached a bright pink sheet from her Kitty Cat 'To Do List'. It was _covered_ in her incredibly tiny, bubbly writing. Since my parents didn't believe in grounding I got to pay for the red shirt I ruined that afternoon in pure sweat. Personally, I think my parents just liked to take advantage of me for cheap labor. There was no way that twenty dollar shirt was worth ten hours of chores.

The grumbling of my stomach reminded me why I had come into the kitchen and I opened the fridge to look for something fatty and sweet that would make me feel just a little bit better on the most embarrassing day of my life. I didn't think my day could get any worse. Sadly, it seemed as though public humiliation wasn't enough. I was also cursed with an empty kitchen.

I had the option of no-sugar-added jam on an end piece of twelve-grain, fiber-plus toast or Fig Newtons. Not exactly the comfort food I had been looking for. My cliff jumping idea was becoming more appealing by the minute. So, I got started on chore number eleven; grocery shopping. Not that my mom or dad had left me with a grocery list or anything. They just expected me to read their minds.

I grabbed my jacket, purse, and the grocery money from the counter. I was ready to leave but found myself standing at the front door unable to convince myself to open it. Outside there was a town of people waiting to tease me and laugh at me about for being such a klutz. I was going to be the butt of everyone's jokes. The one thing that got to me above everything else was people laughing at me. Thankfully, it didn't happen very often.

My stomach gurgled in complaint yet again. I was so hungry… It couldn't really get any worse. I had to go out there eventually. My stomach responded with a 'grrrrlurrrp' as if to say 'What are you waiting for?' and I found myself turning the door knob and walking towards the store.

The whole way to the grocery store I caught myself flinching whenever a car drove past. If I was this self-conscious now, school tomorrow was going to be _hell_. Lucky for me, the only two people that passed by were Miss Thompson (Forks' very own cat lady) and Chief Swan; both of which were totally harmless. They didn't exactly seem like the type to use email let alone get online updates about the short film montage of my fall that Zach Bryant was working on. I was so telling Suzanne that he kissed Lauren at the Halloween party as payback.

I turned into the grocery store parking lot and braced myself for my first public appearance since I wore Eric's lunch that afternoon. I was so nervous _and_ hungry. It felt like I was going to throw up butterflies and then maybe, if I was lucky, my body would consume itself from the inside out because of lack of food. Why did Forks have to be such a small town? It just made everyone a hundred times more nosy and critical about everyone else's business.

The grocery store was small but pretty well stocked. Everyone went there, which made it that much worse for me -- someone who would have liked to avoid humans entirely. I tried to walk by the cashiers as fast as I could on my way in. Tyler was working, and I could trust him to bring up Zach's video. So, to protect my already hurting ego, I practically ran past him and began going up and down the first couple aisles.

Who knew there were so many different kinds of soup? What would Mom want? Garden vegetables with noodles or some kind of vegetable lentil brown stuff? I hated grocery shopping, I never knew what to get especially since my family had all different tastes in food.

Mom was always going through different phases. One day she loved Italian food, the next she wouldn't eat anything that didn't have antioxidants (she didn't really know what they were she just heard they were good for you). My dad on the other hand almost refused to eat something if the main ingredient wasn't meat. I kept trying to tell him that it wasn't healthy but he didn't listen to me, _ever_. I tried convincing them to let me go on the zone diet once because I read about it in a magazine. Of course they said no, and were convinced I had an eating disorder for the next few months.

I literally jumped in the air and dropped the can of soup I was holding into my cart when I suddenly heard a man's voice behind me.

"Hello." _OH MY GOD_! As I turned around to confront whoever it was that snuck up on me my butterflies almost erupted from my stomach.

"Hi, Edward. What are you doing here?"

"Same as everyone else. You know, grocery shopping." _What wouldn't I give for him to pin me against the shelves of canned goods and press his_…

Edward took a small step back from me. I was too busy admiring his perfect face and body to realize my last question was so badly thought out. My mind had wandered where any teenage girl's would in my situation. It was only natural. _Urgh, he interrupted my fantasy! Oh well, I have the real him standing in front of me_

Edward took a small step back from me.

"Oh, yeah. Of course. Me too." _Great. I can't_ _even put together a whole sentence. I forgot how ridiculously beautiful he is. _

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay after what happened at lunch_._"_ I can't believe it! It looks like he actually means it. That's so sweet. He'd probably make a really great boyfriend that always remembers anniversaries and calls you 'my love' or 'beautiful'. I guess my performance in the cafeteria today didn't completely turn him off. Edward Cullen still likes me!_

"I'm fine." _Look at those shoulders. His entire body must be so muscular and defined. I wonder if I could fake losing my balance and fall into him, anything to feel what's under that shirt._

Edward took another small step back. If I hadn't been admiring his build I wouldn't have noticed.

"Well, as long as you're okay. Look, I should go. My parents are just about finished so I really should get going."

He began walking down the aisle towards the cashiers. _Nice Jessica, you spent so much time staring at him you couldn't actually maintain a conversation. Concentrate! Stop acting like such a loser and start staring at his butt!_

Edward suddenly turned around.

"Um, bye, Jessica."

He backed away and moments before taking his final steps out of the soup aisle I heard a soft female voice from behind me:

"Edward?"

I turned around and saw an absolutely beautiful woman standing behind me. She looked like she was in her mid-twenties and had brown hair framing her face in silky layers. I couldn't think of any way to describe her other than 'breathtaking'. There was no doubt about it. She was a Cullen.

"Hi, Mom. I'm ready to go when you are." _I wish my mom looked like that. Hell, I wish I looked like that. It's hard to believe she has five kids._

Edward sounded a little surprised to see her. I would have turned around to get a better look at him but I was having a hard time looking away from the woman he had just called 'Mom'.

"Your father will just be a minute." _Oh no, she's turning towards me. What do I say?_ "I apologize, Edward has neglected to introduce us. He really can't be trusted when it comes to these sorts of things. I'm Esme."

_I wonder how long I've been standing here with my mouth open. I can't seem to get any words out. Why do I always get like this around the Cullen's? _

"…Hi." _Finally! _I thought I would be standing there with my mouth hanging open forever. She was a woman and still managed to leave me speechless.

"Mom, this is Jessica." _Thank you! I really did need saving from my own stupid silence. I wonder how he could tell. I hope it wasn't too obvious._ "We go to school together."

"It's always nice to meet friends of Edward's."

I made an attempt at a smile but I still hadn't been able to scrape my jaw off the floor so I didn't think it turned out quite as I planned. Esme suddenly looked at Edward. "Here comes your father." I saw a tall figure come up behind Esme in my peripheral vision but I hadn't actually managed to look away from her since I first turned around. I'm not sure how she heard Edward's dad coming. I sure didn't.

"Edward, there you are. Is this a friend of yours?" _Wow, his voice is almost as velvety as Edward's. _

I decided it was in my best interest for me to look away from Esme before they began to think there was something wrong with me.Odds were that his dad was good looking too_. _It would have really sucked to be the black sheep in _that _family.

When I saw Edward's father for the first time I couldn't believe he was a father of five. In my mind, men as attractive as him weren't allowed to have _five_ kids. Old men with receding hairlines and funny looking moustaches had five kids. Not men who looked like they belonged on the cover of _Us Weekly_! _He was so totally hot!_

"Hey Dad, shouldn't we get going. We don't want to be late getting home."

Edward and his dad were just standing there looking at each other with serious expressions. It's like they knew something we didn't. _So_ hypnotic.

_They both look so statuesque. Forget David! I'd pay twice as much to see these two standing around naked. I wish I was an artist. Then I could make Edward my muse... or maybe his dad. God, they're both so hot. I can almost imagine feeling Edward's lips on mine. Or maybe his dad would be the one to suddenly pin me against the canned soup. Or maybe their looks will change from serious to passionate and they'll both take a step forward closing the space between them. Then, Edward will reach up, brush his dad's hair off his face, lean in and--_

"Dad, we have to go."

"Of course, Edward." He turned towards me again. It felt like the butterflies were eating away at my insides. "It was nice to meet you but we really should be going."

They began to walk towards the checkout together, probably basking in each other's perfection. Esme turned around before they were out of sight and called back,

"Have a good night Jessica." _I most certainly will, especially with the dreams this little grocery store meeting will bring on_.

Edward started to walk a little faster and was quickly out of my sight. Too bad, it's was much fun to watch him walk away.

I finished up the grocery shopping and headed back home. I went straight to the kitchen and began putting everything away in the cupboards and fridge, making sure that I snuck a cookie or two every now and then. I felt so much better than I did earlier that afternoon. I straightened up and turned away from the fridge after squeezing the orange juice in next to the ketchup and milk to find my dad towering above me. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me in a deadly hug. I was going to have to choke out a 'Stop!' in a second before I stopped breathing all together. However, it wasn't necessary since he had just let me out of his bear hug and was holding me at arm's length so that he could look me in the eye.

"I thought you might need a hug after what happened at lunch today." _Ugh, I wonder who told him about that, it wasn't me. Well, I shouldn't be surprised. News travels fast in Forks._

"I'm fine Dad. Stuff like that happens all the time."

"Well, not really. From what I hear you practically flew into Eric's bowl of chili and that picture of you on the floor is rather impressive." _Wow, I know he doesn't do it on purpose and he tried to make it sound like a joke but that was insensitive._

"Thanks Dad, I feel so much better about myself."

"Remember Jessica, sarcasm will get you nowhere in life." _Blah, blah, blah…_

The conversation kept going and going and going but nothing was really being said. I doubt the Energizer Bunny could keep up with my dad when he gets talking. At last, my mom came in. We threw some spaghetti together, had a never ending supper full of 'Jessica's most embarrassing moment' talk, and I went up to my room to get ready for bed. I had managed to get through the day without any suicidal cliff jumping. I thought that was a pretty good accomplishment.

I called it a night and settled myself in bed with the latest issue of Cosmo. My parents didn't like me reading them and called it mindless garbage. They talked about Cosmo like it was some kind of drug that would kill off my brain cells one by one. So, I kept them under my mattress. The most obvious place was always the last place they looked. Personally, I didn't get what the big deal was. It's not like Cosmo governed my life or anything.

I was lying on my bed flipping through the pages when my heart just about skipped a beat. I had just come across the perfect article to get me the perfect Edward: 'How to Get a Guy'. It was full of tricks and tips that would help me get Edward's blood pumping and, hopefully, get me a date.

I wasn't nervous about school anymore. I had officially gotten over the humiliation. Self-pity had no place in my game plan. I had a mission. I was going to seduce Edward Cullen.


	3. Cute But Confident

Chapter 3 – Cute But Confident

A/N:

Hey all!

I know it's been eons since I last updated I'm sooo sorry. BUT as a special treat I have something new and exciting for you… that's right! EDWARD POV!

I'm really excited about this chapter so I really hope you like it. I'm thinking about writing another chapter in EPOV but it will depend on the feedback I get on this chapter as well as many other scientific factors so please review. PLEASE!

ALSO, I co-wrote a fic for vjgm's Trust in Advertising crackfic contest with imperial violets. If you haven't read TiA you really should. I love it! You can read our crackfic ('You Think You Know… But You Have No Idea') and all the other great fics that were submitted in vjgm's community. Congrats to the winners! There were so many great entries. 

ALSO, I wrote yet another one-shot with imperial violets. It's the first in a series on oneshots we are going to be writing. The series is called The Chronicles of Closet Twihards and this first edition is called The Chronicles of Closet Twihards: Episode 1: Masturbating with Popcicles. You can find it on and I will be posting it here in my account (it's already under imperialviolets's name). So, go check it out!

I guess I should let you get on and read now…

Have fun!

& remember

I own nothing!

"Hey, Edward, when do we get to meet your girlfriend?" Emmett said as he got out of the Volvo.

I looked down at the crumpled, silver bit of metal in my hand that only moments ago had been a door handle. I hated the years when Emmett had to drive my car. It always gave him a false sense of superiority. Then again, if he had made me crush my steering wheel, I would have had to go for a joy ride in his new jeep. I'm sure the crash test rating is only a warning.

Alice made a weak attempt at reprimanding him while she tried to stifle a mental giggle. I appreciated her effort but the only thing I found even mildly comforting at that moment was the wave of patience Jasper sent towards me. It was nice to know he had _such_ confidence in my ability to control my temper. Rosalie on the other hand was in no way attempting to hide her amusement.

"C'mon Emmett, she's human. He'smore likely to elope with Tanya. (_We should be more worried about him getting hungry than falling in love_.)"

It had been like that ever since they coaxed me into telling them about the incestuous, homoerotic fantasies I overheard at the grocery store. Emmett had started rolling on the floor, roaring with laughter to the point that the walls began trembling and I could hear animals fleeing from the general area surrounding our home. Jasper eventually calmed him down and I did my best to ignore the jokes constantly being made at my expense; none of which were overly creative. The worst part however was how Jasper spent the rest of the night sending waves of lust and desire at me whenever Carlisle walked in the room. I found myself unable to appreciate his sense of humor and after four hours and fifteen of Carlisle's appearances I retreated to my room where I reorganized my entire music collection alphabetically, then chronologically, and finally by catalogue number. It was a long night and, no matter how hard I tried, ignoring all the commotion beyond the walls of my room was about as successful as getting Alice to shop at Wal-Mart. It was going to take me years to live this down.

"Edward, what'll happen when you and human-girl go out for dinner? Will you watch her eat or do you think they'll bring in a mountain lion for you?"

"I suggest you stop talking, Emmett, before I decide to tell you all about the fantasies I heard while walking by the change rooms after your gym class yesterday. You might want to be a little more discreet in the showers next time."

Emmett had nothing to say for the first time in about eight long, long hours. He made his way around the car to open Rosalie's door however, with a look of satisfaction. Emmett is the only person I know who would consider my comment flattering.

Suddenly, as we were all getting out of the car, Alice made a gasp so small that it would have gone unnoticed by human ears. She immediately began an obvious attempt at trying to prevent me from reading her thoughts:

"(_1+1 is 2, 2+2 is 4, 4+4 is 8, 8+8 is 16, 16+16 is 32…_)"

"Alice, what did you see?" It was very rare for Alice to keep her visions secret from us. It was especially frustrating because she was making an effort to keep it from me specifically. The last time this happened we were in London and she saw a group of girls mistaking me for some small time English actor. I had to run from them and escape through the underground all while trying to maintain human speed. Everyone else thought it was hilarious.

I tried to make myself sound as casual as possible as I repeated my question but, to my dismay, she responded only with a smile, hopped out of the car, and began leading the others towards the school. Her thoughts still rang in my ears as I tried to hear the vision behind it.

"(_1012 +1012 is 2036, 2036 +2036 is 4072, 4072 +4072 is 8144…_)"

I slowly made my way through the crowded school towards my locker. My head felt like it was swimming in the thoughts of all the students lining the halls. I did my best to filter through it all, listening only for people who might be skeptical about our family. So far, there was only the usual physical attraction, wonder, and awe. I was even beginning to recognize certain voices and entertained myself by naming them.

"(_Too young! Oh, get a hold of yourself he's a boy! Too young!_)" Mrs. Cope. She was a sweet woman and I hoped for her sake that she would soon become accustomed to my family's presence.

"(_All the girls look like they've just witnessed the second coming of Christ. When I walked down the hall this morning Sasha didn't drool at the sight of me. Maybe if I bulk up and dye my hair…_ _How does he get his hair to stand on end like that?_)" Mike. He was still practicing a 'Cullen-look' in his locker mirror.

"(_They must be so lonely moving to a new town. Maybe I should go say hi…_)" Angela. She was the only other person who had walked towards Jessica to offer help yesterday at lunch.

"(_God, he's so hot. They don't make him like that in Forks. Normal people are not that beautiful. Maybe Miss J will ask him to model for our home-ec class? I wonder if he's opposed to partial nudity._)" This is when I would begin filtering. Nothing Lauren thought after this could possibly hold any kind of relevance to the wellbeing of my family.

I got to my locker, and as I reached for my copy of _Pride & Prejudice,_ heard a familiar voice shooting off sports stats. I turned and saw Emmett with a monstrous, dimpled smile coming towards me. Before I could escape, he had grabbed me by the arm and was holding me in place by my locker.

"What are you doing? Let go of me."

"(_1952 Topps, card #49. Johnny Sain. Pitcher: New York Yankies. Lifetime major and minor league pitching records: 278 games, 780 innings pitched, 711 hits, 352 runs_…)"

"Emmett, seriously, this isn't funny. What are you doing?" Then it hit me. I knew exactly what he was doing. "Alice told you, didn't she? What's going to happen? Emmett!"

At that moment I saw Rosalie coming around the corner. She was blocking me by talking through the proper way to take apart and rebuild an engine in _detail_. Not far behind her were Alice and Jasper. Alice had gotten to 16 678 912 + 16 678 912 and Jasper was reciting _Gone with the Wind_ word for word. I knew I was trapped, and the anticipation was beginning to really get to me when I heard it: a piercing voice that rose above all those of her peers repeating some kind of motivational philosophy.

"_(Be cute but confident. cute but confident. Be cute but confident.)_"

"Emmett, Alice, Rose… Jasper? C'mon, please? You don't understand. That girl is mentally unstable! This isn't funny! "

Of course Emmett completely disagreed with me. "Edward, that's exactly what this is- funny. And you even haven't seen the best part."

I tried to break free, but Emmett was too strong. I would never be able to get past him, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper without causing a scene. Although I was definitely beginning to consider it.

"At least give me some warning. Please? Emmett, I will take your Jeep and drive it off a cliff if you don't-" I stopped mid-sentence after hearing the most frightening part of all. The high, determined voice seemed to echo in my head.

"(_Be cute but confident. Trust the Cosmo. Cosmo never lies. Be cute but confident. Don't fall flat on your face. Be Cute but confident. Failure is not an option. Be cute but confident. You can do this. Be cute but confident. Seduce Edward Cullen._)"

I must have suddenly looked like a deer in headlights because Rosalie turned to me with an air of triumph and said:

"Here comes your girlfriend."

I turned and looked in the same direction as my other siblings. Then, I saw her. She was coming around the corner at the end of the hall. The other students seemed to part before her like the Red Sea as she made her way in my direction. She had dressed up in a miniskirt and high heels that made her walk like a newborn giraffe. Her makeup was much more elaborate than it had been the day before and the smell of her perfume was so strong I'm sure my eyes would have watered had I been able to produce tears.

"I think she's spotted you." Rosalie was absolutely glowing. "We'll give you two some privacy." And with that, they all turned around and walked in the opposite direction of Jessica, to Jasper's locker that was just around the corner and most definitely within their earshot.

I stood, glued to my spot on the floor, staring at the contents of my locker, listening as Jessica made her way towards me. Like our other meetings, Jessica's thoughts revolved mostly on the fact that she didn't know what to say, how she was possibly going to think of what to say, scolding herself for not knowing what to say, and my sex appeal. These were the times I wished vampires weren't so incredibly appealing to humans.

She finally made her way over to me. I could tell she was nervous and I didn't want to do anything that would make her feel more uncomfortable, but, at the same time, I wanted her to leave me alone, _forever_. I was trying to think of ways to politely make her leave when she made her first attempt at communication.

"(_ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod_) Hey, Edward. (_ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod_)" My head had already started to ache.

"Jessica. What a surprise." As I turned around to face her I was able to piece together from her scattered thoughts that she had practically memorized some kind of article full of dating tips she had found in an issue of Cosmo. What was even more frightening is that she talked about her Cosmo as though it were a person.

"Yeah… surprise!" She was on edge. I wasn't sure how she was managing to keep that monstrous smile on her face.

"(_Okay, Jessica. You can do this. What did Cosmo say? Okay… Number 3: A-List outfit. Check. Number 8: a scent that oozes sex appeal. Check. Number 5: sky-high heels. Check. Alright, let's try number 10: stroke your lower neck to draw attention to your chest. Here goes…_) So, how was your night? You know, after we ran into each other at the grocery store."

I was determined not to let my gaze stray from her face or the door of my locker. I couldn't decide which was safer so I found myself looking back and forth between the two. Thank God Emmett and the others couldn't hear everything passing through Jessica's mind. They wouldn't have stopped taking about it for the next century.

"My day? It was… agonizingly full of laughter."

"(_… … Am I stupid or did that make no sense?_) That's… nice? So, anyways. Your dad seemed really (_yummy_) nice… And your mom! Of course. (_Nice, Jessica. Real smooth_.)"

Just then, as I had expected, a booming laughter erupted in the distance. I was sure Emmett's voice could be heard loud and clear throughout the school. Amidst their less conspicuous laughter the others shushed him before the unnatural volume of his voice became painfully obvious. I could hear Emmett's thoughts almost as clearly as I had heard him laughing.

"(_Dude! She totally wants you… AND Carlisle… TOGETHER! This chick is awesome!_)" He's always had a way with words.

"Wow, your brother is, like, seriously loud. That must have been one hell of a joke. (_There is no way a normal person can be that loud without a megaphone or something. Creepy._)"

"He's an opera singer."

"What!?" Emmett and Jessica said in unison. Although, Emmett's reaction was purely mental while Jessica's mouth was still hanging open, the question having burst from her mouth. She quickly caught herself and posed, resuming the stroking of her lower neck. I immediately turned back to my locker and tried to act as though I was absorbed in the pattern on the front of my science textbook. I could hear my family laughing and talking amongst themselves in disbelief.

"Yeah, he's really into opera. _Loves _it. It's been his dream for as long as I can remember to go professional. He's actually really good." Jessica still hadn't caught on as to why I had brought up opera. "That's why he's so loud. It's all the opera training."

"Oh. (_I guess that makes sense. Wow. I never would have thought… wow._)"

I was desperate to get out of there before Jessica's brain combusted from too much thinking or Emmett decided to actually come over here to 'show me how loud he could make _me _sing'. Thankfully, Jessica had decided on a new approach at seduction. I would only have to endure a few more minutes of her company, then I'd have to find a way to avoid my audience, who were now restraining Emmett while Alice was narrating everything me and Jessica did using an Australian accent like something off the _Discovery Channel_.

"The human female, seen here in her natural habitat, has begun the human mating ritual. What she does not know is that the male whom she is attempting to attract is not human but of the rare vampire species. This particular breed of vampire chooses not to feed on humans. Nonetheless, they are predators, and therefore try to maintain emotional and physical distance from this other species. The human female continues to stroke the base of her neck evidently trying to draw attention to her modest chest. This strategy would work on most human men but is proving ineffective with the vampire male… Crikey! It seems the human female has changed tactics in this game of love and lust. She smiles at the male vampire and, after a heartfelt farewell, turns to leave. It can only be assumed that she has given up on drawing the male vampire's attention to her chest has decided to showcase her other female _ass_et in a grand exit. Unfortunately, this particular example of the human species is entirely inexperienced and hopelessly amateur at this aspect of the mating ritual…" Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett – who had momentarily forgotten about his supposed opera training – were in fits of silent laughter while Alice continued to narrate from her position at the corner where two halls met.

Jessica had indeed decided to try 'Number 6' which consisted of flaunting her backside. She had spun around at such a speed before she began walking away that her hair whipped around (which was somewhat on purpose) and hit Eric in the face as he walked by. This caused him to stumble backwards into Angela who did not seem at all inconvenienced by Eric's sudden appearance in her arms.

This, as could safely be assumed by Jessica's history, was only the beginning. She walked down the hall in her ridiculous shoes with all the confidence and 'sexiness' she could muster. Unfortunately, this resulted in a wobbly 'strut' in which Jessica's hips swung absurdly from side to side to the point that she almost took down a few people who happened to be walking alongside her. All the while, she kept looking back at me trying to get my attention while she talked herself through a complex seduction maneuver.

"(_And strut 1 2 3. And strut 1 2 3. And don't trip and break your face. And strut 1 2 3. And look back. And smile. And turn back. And strut. And swing your hips 'cause hips don't lie. And look back. And smile. And wink. And strut 1 2-_)" _WHACK!!_

Jessica had been concentrating so hard on trying to wink at me that she hadn't noticed Mike's locker door that had been open directly in front of her. Just as she had gone to turn back around, her head made contact with the door, slamming it shut and sending a loud crashing noise echoing through the hall. Alice was laughing so hard it was a good thing she didn't have to breathe while everyone else was trying to get her to tell them what _exactly_ had happened since her narration had abruptly stopped after the wink. Mike on the other hand thought Jessica had slammed his locker door shut on purpose as part of some dramatic entrance to get his attention.

"Oh, thanks, Jess. (_Finally! A girl in here who isn't ass over tits for the Cullens!_) You look good today." He said the last part with the new 'Cullen-look' he'd been practicing. It looked as though he was in a smoke filled room trying to figure out whether he recognized someone on the other side.

Jessica must have been seeing stars she hit her head so hard. I kept my distance and watched as she swayed back and forth. I pretended to be looking for another textbook in my locker. She was now leaning against the wall to try and disguise how she was clutching the side of her head where she had plowed into the locker. Still stunned by the impact, the wall was the only thing keeping her from falling over. Again, Mike was completely blind to the reality of the situation and saw this as yet another ploy to get his attention.

"No problem… just thought… you know… close it for you… thanks… you good too… any time… yeah?" The poor girl could barely put a sentence together she was still so shaken up. Even her voice sounded as though she had just woken up from a five year coma. As expected, Mike saw this as his doing as well. Someone really had to give this guy a lesson in humility, and the proper use of hair gel.

"(_That's right. I'm so hot. Look at her all speechless and sexy leaning against my locker. She totally wants me._) Hey, why don't I walk you to class? (_We can show these other girls what a real man is like. Not of this pretty boy Edward crap. I mean, hair shouldn't stand on end like that!_)"

The first bell of the day rang through the school. I grabbed my things and headed off towards my first class, science. I decided to take a bit of a detour so that I could bypass Jessica, Mike, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Mrs. Cope (she's a sweet woman but I think I might just accidently give her a heart attack one day).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I walked into the Forks High cafeteria, Emmett and Rosalie were already there. Alice had left with Jasper an hour earlier because he was beginning to feel uncomfortable around all the humans. He was making great progress, but still had trouble some days, especially when he hadn't eaten in a while. The rest of us could go just over two weeks without hunting, but Jasper's self-control wasn't quite as developed as ours.

I had just gotten back from a very long eighty minute massacre of classic literature. Miss Ridley had decided to get the class to read the first chapter of _Pride and Prejudice_ aloud so I spent the entire class trying to drown out the class' painfully monotonous interpretation of the novel by thinking of a new ending for the composition I've been working on for Esme. It had been going well until Jessica started desperately trying to get my attention. It's very hard to ignore someone who keeps screaming your name in their head, dropping (or in this case it could be more appropriately be called throwing) their pencil on the floor at your feet so they can dramatically pick it up, and sending 'R' rated images about yourself, themselves, and your father at you. As I said, it was a _very_ long eighty minutes.

I had just sat down and was contemplating changing the last three bars on my composition when Rosalie interrupted my train of thought. She had called my name in her head, immediately getting my attention, as she turned to look me in the eye. Suddenly my mind was swimming in images of Carlisle and I in a large canopy bed feeding each other grapes. I quickly blocked her thoughts and tried to erase the lingering images of Carlisle stroking my bare chest from my memory. I had flinched as soon as I had seen her thoughts and she was now staring back at me, incredibly pleased with herself.

We looked at each other for a long while understanding that I was telling her to stop and she was daring me to make her. Emmett on the other hand was completely oblivious to our threats and continued to occupy himself by throwing bits of his lunch at various unsuspecting students on the other side of the cafeteria. Rosalie and I finally broke eye contact when a familiar and daunting laugh could be heard coming from a girl bursting into the cafeteria with Mike Newton.

Immediately she spotted me on the other side of the room and, unfortunately, I wasn't able to look away in time. She was now monologue to herself about how I 'must, like, totally love [her], like, omagod!'. I looked away from her and towards Emmett who was forming some kind of mash-potato-mystery-meat grenade. However, looking away isn't always the answer when you can read minds. The entire scene was still playing in my head. It was, thankfully, somewhat choppy from my attempts at blocking it from my mind but, since Rosalie was determined for me to see Jessica, it seemed impossible to shut it out from my head entirely. I loved Rosalie but sometimes I really wished I could hit her perfect little face without unleashing the wrath of Emmett.

Just then, my phone vibrated with a text from Alice.

_Edward Cullen don't you dare hit anyone!_

_Of course_.

I looked up and saw Jessica on the other side of the room still desperately trying to get my attention by dramatically flipping her hair and flirting with Mike. It's too bad she didn't realize I wasn't going to get jealous of her and a hormonal teenage human boy.

My phone vibrated again.

_Aw, I think it's sweet. Be nice._

_What _was Alice talking about?

Then it happened. Jessica turned around, looked directly at me and blew me a kiss. A _big_ kiss. I felt my stomach, that hadn't so much as growled in hunger for decades, churn.

Rosalie turned back to me with an air of self-satisfaction.

"Crikey."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I spent the rest of the lunch period and most of science class trying to block either Jessica's fantasies or Rosalie's tormenting thoughts. Luckily, Jessica's mind was slightly more tame and innocent than Rosalie's but I'd still like her to understand that if my mouth _was_ that close to her neck it would result in something far worse than hickeys.

The car ride home wasn't much better although it concentrated on Emmett's opera singing and how that was a 'no go zone'. He was seriously angry that I had made those comments to Jessica but he didn't realize the situation he put me when he lost control and laughed so loudly. As for his thoughts of beating in my face until it looked like roast beef, well I would have liked to see him try.

The family spent the first part of that afternoon playing Pac-Man and making plans for our next hunting trip. Alice had said the sun would be out tomorrow so we would be able to go 'camping'. Personally, I was looking forward to getting away from Jessica Stanley for a day. That girl was _really_ getting on my nerves and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to be patient and control my temper.

Just then Carlisle walked in and I was hit with what felt like a brick wall of desire. All the images of Carlisle that Rosalie and Jessica had been thinking throughout the day suddenly flashed through my mind. It took a minute or so, but the feelings and the images eventually passed and I was able to redirect my focus to Carlisle. Lucky for me in reality he was wearing significantly more clothing. Obviously Jasper hadn't tired of his latest form of entertainment.

"I'm off to work. Rosalie, are you ready?"

"Yes. Just let me grab my purse."

"I'll meet you in the car."

I could already see Rosalie and Jasper doing their rounds in the hospital in Alice's mind. Rosalie was in her usual candy striper uniform and hanging around the maternity ward per usual. Carlisle was making his way efficiently from patient to patient in the Emergency Room which, at first, seemed entirely normal until I got a glimpse of his next patient: Jessica Stanley. My eyes quickly met Alice's.

"(_She's practically stalking us Edward._)"

"I know. She's getting too close. It's not safe."

Rosalie had gotten her purse and was now standing by the door watching the exchange between me and Alice. She understood immediately, and I could hear her mind racing to think of a way to distance Jessica from ourselves. No matter how much she frustrated me at times, her dedication to her family was truly admirable.

"Don't worry." She said, "I'll handle it."

And she left.

A/N:

I hope you liked it!

I've started on chapter 4 so it should be here shortly.

It's called The Doctor Is In… 

Please review. I love it!

Until next time…


	4. The Doctor Is In

**CHAPTER 4: THE DOCTOR IS IN**

"So, who do you _like_?"

It was always like hitting your head against a brick wall trying to get this kind of information out of Angela. The girl could give me the square root of pie but when it came to girl talk she was absolutely hopeless. Angela would always sidestep the questions by saying things like: 'Oh, Jessica, do we have to do this now?' or 'I don't know… why?' or even 'Why? Who do you like?' It would get _so_ frustrating. In elementary school, it even got to the point where I would assign her people to like if she couldn't give me a straight answer.

Today was a very much like all those other nights back in our elementary years. Angela and I were camped out on the floor of her living room watching the same old chick flicks for what must have been the seven hundredth time and gossiping over a bowl of our favorite homemade nachos. And, like all those other nights, I was opening my soul up to Angela telling her all about Edward and how he totally had a thing for me and how Lauren was so obviously jealous while she sat there and revealed absolutely nothing.

"Come on, Angela. There has to be _someone_." I was practically begging. "Who is it?"

"Oh, Jessica, I don't know. Do we have to do this now? Why? Who do you like?" _You have got to be kidding me!_

"_Edward_. I like Edward. And I've sat here and told you all about it for an hour but you won't tell me anything! Angelaaaaaaaaa. This isn't how a healthy friendship works! We need to be honest with each other."

"But Jessica, I never asked you about Edward you just told me everything on your own."

"That doesn't matter Angela. I still want to know who you like. Is it one of the other Cullens? Is it the blond one, Jasper?"

"No." _Omigod. I never really saw Emmet as her type._ "And I don't like Emmet either so get that idea out of your head." _It kind of creeps me out how well this girl knows me sometimes._

"You have to admit the Cullen brothers are totally gorgeous though, right?"

"Well, yeah… but their dad is way cuter." _OMG! I can't believe Angela just said that. I mean she used the word 'cute' but still!_

"I know! He's _such_ a babe!" _Wait! Hold the phone and back it up a second!_ "When did you see Doctor DILF?"

"Well my dad was trying to relive his youth the other day so he rented this motorcycle. Let's just say it didn't go so well. He dropped the bike, and broke his wrist. So my mom and I had to drive him to the hospital because he was going on about how he was never going to regain function in his left hand. It ended up only being a hairline fracture but Dr. Cullen was very professional. We even got talking about the use of modern medicine versus herbal remedies. He's really nice."

"You spoke to him?"

"Well, yeah."

"And he works at the hospital?"

"In the ER, yeah. Jessica are you okay?"

I was better than okay. I had just formulated the greatest and most genius plan known to man. Well, next to today's seduction of Edward Cullen. He was so distracted by my charms he didn't even notice when I walked into Mike's locker. It had been a total success. However, this plan had the potential to be just as successful and equally as brilliant. I was going to hurt myself. I'd have to get Angela to help me. We would have to make it look like an accident but otherwise it didn't seem too difficult. I'd get hurt just enough to land me in the ER and then _BAM!_ Doctor DILF would come to my rescue and I would get to look at him and maybe even speak to him and it would be _awesome_.

I jumped up and began pacing around the room trying to think of an injury that would get me in the ER but not interfere with my sports or my social life.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Um, Angela. If I… hypothetically… dropped something on my toes and they broke… do you think it would really hurt?"

"Well, I'm sure it would hurt but-"

"And I could still play volleyball, right? Even with a couple broken toes… hypothetically?"

"Maybe… I guess so but… Jessica what are you talking about? Have you gone completely insane? Did you hit your head or something while I wasn't looking?"

Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head. Angela was a genius and she didn't even know it. A concussion could get me into the ER and would be gone in no time. It wouldn't be messy or hugely painful (or so I thought) and it would be pretty easy to do.

"Come with me!"

I grabbed Angela by the hand and pulled her over towards the stairs leading down to her basement. Everything was planned out in my head. I just needed Angela to join me.

"I need you to push me down the stairs."

"What!?"

"I need a concussion."

"And the best way to get one is for me to push you down the stairs?"

"Yes!"

"Why do you need a concussion?"

"So I have a reason to go to the ER."

"But that's ridiculous!

"Look I'm not asking for your opinion I'm asking for your help."

"I'm not going to push you down the stairs!"

"Why not?"

"Because you could get hurt far worse than a concussion. What if you hurt your neck? Or broke a bone? Or your face?"

She waited a moment for the last one to sink in. _My face_. Angela had a point. Maybe getting someone to throw me down the stairs wasn't the best way to get a concussion. It was far too risky. Only now I was standing at the top of the flight of stairs with Angela, in perfect health, and no ideas on how to visit Dr. DILF in the ER.

"Fine. I won't throw myself down the stairs…" I grunted.

Angela threw her arms around me which was her way of saying 'You're acting slightly normal again. Maybe you don't need psychiatric help.' Regardless, I was in no mood for her pitiful hugs and ended it quickly. I may not have been stupid enough to throw myself down a flight of stairs but that didn't mean I couldn't find another way to hurt myself.

"Maybe…" I said deviously. "I'll just fall off the treadmill at full speed."

"Wha-"

Before Angela could stop me I began sprinting down the stairs. Just then my sock-feet lost traction on the hard wood of the stairs and my right foot came flying out from under me like a drunken Rockette. The other leg quickly followed and next thing I knew I was air born. Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion. I was flying through the air going ass over tits about to make an emergency crash landing. I had to think fast and when I saw the handrail soaring past me somewhere by my ear I grabbed for it. The abrupt stop my grasp had provided sent a wave of momentum through my body sending me into perfect perpendicular alignment with the floor. Then, appearing the moment I began to forget it had ever existed, gravity came into play. I hit my head hard on the stair below me and crumpled into a heap of tangled limbs and pain. It hurt way more than I had previously thought.

Just then time seemed to catch up with me as Angela's screams met my ears. You would have thought I was being mauled by a wolf by the way she was reacting. It must have looked as bad as I felt.

"!!! JESSICA!! ARE YOU ALIVE!! CAN YOU HEAR ME??? WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL YOUR PARENTS?? JESSICA!! YOU CANNOT DIE!!"

"Uuurrg." I tried to give her some sign of life. "I'm fine… Head throbbing… But… Still breathing… Don't worry… Brain possibly leaking out of ears… Head… Pain… It'll pass… I'm okay."

"We have to get you to the hospital! I'm calling my mom!"

* * *

We pulled up to the emergency room doors a half hour later. Angela's mother had calmed her down a bit but she had still fussed over me the entire way to the hospital. I was more worried about Angela going into shock than my potential (or as Angela put it 'obvious and possibly lethal') concussion.

I sat in the ER waiting room for an eternity as Angela argued with a nurse to get me a doctor and her mom was calling a million and two numbers trying to get a hold of my mother. Meanwhile, I sat in the germ infested waiting room chairs, filling out forms as best I could as I tried not to contract whatever disease the coughing, itching, watery-eyed man next to me was suffering from.

* * *

It felt as though the Vengaboys would make a comeback before I even got a hospital bed. Still, I waited.

* * *

And I waited.

* * *

And I was still waiting.

* * *

Angela came back and we waited together.

* * *

Still waiting.

* * *

Waiting with Angela _and _her mom.

* * *

Sick of waiting.

* * *

_Finally!_ I eventually got my own cot behind a thin hospital curtain and was waiting for the doctor to arrive. The sheets were probably _covered_ in incurable diseases and other unmentionables. If Dr. Cullen took today off I was going to be _so_ pissed.

Just as I was thinking of all the ways I could get AIDS from the pillow at the head of the cot the curtain was pulled aside by a short, stout looking nurse.

"Okie Dokey, Hon. What seems to be the _iss-siew_?"

With my throbbing head and building anticipation to see Dr. DILF I just did not have the patience to deal with this woman; especially since I had already answered that question more times than I could count. Wasn't there some kind of chart-thing they had with all my information on it. If it's written down somewhere why the hell is she asking me what's wrong. _And, _if it's written somewhere why _in God's name_ isn't she just reading it!

"It says here that you hit your head and believe you have a concussion." _I guess they do have it written down. How convenient._

When I didn't immediately answer her, the nurse started up with what must have been her 'Plan B'.

"Is that right? Did you hit your head? Is that what happened? Hmm? Is it? You hit your head them? That it? You hit your head?"

"_Yes. _I hit my head." _Now if you could just introduce me to Doctor Cullen I'll have everything I need._

"Well, then I guess we should get you a doctor; _shouldn't we_?" She reminded me of my preschool teacher if she shared a brain with my aunt Chloe's pet Chihuahua.

"_Yes_. I think we should."

"In that case I'll find Dr. Cullen; _shall I_? He must be here somewhere! I'll just be a minute. Don't you worry. We'll take good care of you. _I dare say we will_!"

As the nurse turned to leave a tall blonde girl in a candy striper uniform walked right into her. Several heads turned to find the source of all the noise as the nurse and the blonde, who I could now unmistakably see was Rosalie Cullen, got down on their hands and knees to sort through the heap of charts they had both dropped on the floor.

"I'm so sorry Mary. I guess I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Oh, that's alright sweetie. What are you up to anyway? Aren't you usually hanging around the maternity ward or looking after all the kiddies on the fourth floor?"

"I'm just helping my dad."

"Well, don't let me get in your way… _again. Te he._" _Please tell me she did not just giggle._ "_Te he._" _Oh my god…_

The two stood up and walked off in separate directions.

I sat there almost shaking with anticipation. I was terrified that, once Dr. Cullen arrived, I would be at a total loss for words. Luckily, I could pass that off as a symptom of the concussion.

I heard Dr. DILF before I could see him. A smooth men's voice drifted over to where I was sitting from somewhere a few beds over and a moment later a group of female nurses passed by my bed in a fit of giggles. He was _so _close. I could feel my heart rate accelerating. I thought it might explode it was beating so fast in my chest.

I listened to the sound of his footsteps as he made his way over to my cot. I wanted to be prepared when the curtain was pulled aside. Unfortunately, I would never be able to learn how to keep calm when any of the Cullens entered a room; or, in this case, reveal themselves to me with the graceful opening of a germy curtain.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

_!_

"You're Jessica, right? Edward introduced us."

_OhmigahdOhmigahdOhmigahd!_

"Well, let's get you patched up and on your way."

looked over my chart. It was only a matter of seconds before he nodded his head and looked back up at me. He looked so serious and calm which only made him look more like a majestic marble statue.

"_So Jessica," _he said with a sympathetic smile, "has this been troubling you for a while?"

"Well… um… no. It's pretty recent."

"I see. In that case, have you done anything strenuous lately? Anything you think might have brought this on?" _Wow. His eyes are so warm. They look almost golden… Shit! He asked me something!... What I did to cause this. Right._

_ "I was at my friend Angela's house and I fell down her stairs." More like flew down and crash landed._

"I suppose that could have caused this but it seems somewhat unlikely. However, it's possible that the fall aggravated your condition." _Is he saying I already had a concussion I wasn't aware of?! Scary!_

"Huh…"

"Now, I need you to be very specific Jessica."

"Okay."

"Has there been much blood in your stool?" _WHAT?! DOES STOOL MEAN WHAT I'M REALLY HOPING IT DOESN'T MEAN?! _

I didn't know what _that_ had to do with my concussion. Was it a sign of the concussion I might have had before I fell? If that's even what he meant? Was this some kind of standard question? _OMG_, I didn't know what to say to the gorgeous man that just asked me probably the grossest question of my life. So, I just stared back at him and said absolutely nothing.

Dr. Cullen decided to carry on with his evaluation of my condition.

"On a scale from one to ten (one being the lowest and ten being the highest), how uncomfortable are you right now?" _Well, my brain does feel like it just had a terrible encounter with a meat tenderizer._

"Um… nine… or something."

"I see. Well, Jessica, I will have to check to see whether you require surgery. I'm hoping that I will be able to simply tie it off if it's not too bad. Do you have any questions? Concerns?"

Of course I had questions and concerns? What was this man talking about? _Tie it off?_ Tie what off? My head? How would that fix my concussion? Would the loss of circulation numb the pain or something? I was so confused and I _really_ didn't want surgery.

"Surgery?"

"It is possible."

"Or tie it off?"

"Yes."

"How does that work? How does it help?"

"Well, it's just like it sounds. If you would like I can have one of the nurses talk you through the procedure. I'd like to help you but I have other patients."

"But… if you tie my head off how will I breath?"

"Pardon me?"

"And I don't understand what blood in my… in my… has to do with anything."

"Well, Jessica, it is important for doctors to know these kinds of details. I understand that you must feel somewhat embarrassed. But you should know that, although your's is a severe case, it is not entirely uncommon for girls your age to get hemorrhoids."

"…"

"Jessica?"

"…"

"Jessica?"

"…hemorrhoids?"I whispered.

"Jessica, is something wrong?"

"I fell down the stairs!"

"I know Jessica. But I don't think that the fall alone would have caused the hemorrhoids."

"Stop saying that word!"

"I'm sorry. Would you like me to use a different term for it? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

"No! Because I don't have… _it_!"

"I understand this must be a little scary and uncomfortable for you. But you must understand that this is a common-"

"I fell down the stairs!"I could feel that my face was now a bright shade of scarlet and my stomach felt as though it had done four back-flips then relocated into my throat. "I came here for a concussion. A possible concussion."

"Oh my. There must have been some kind of mix-up with the chart. I'm so sorry Jessica. The chart-"

"I fell down the stairs!" I sputtered.

Dr. Cullen quickly found _my _chart and did the routine examination for a concussion. The entire affair took no more than five minutes but it felt like eternity. I kept repeating 'I fell down the stairs' whenever a new doctor or nurse would approach me. I was _mortified_. How many times would I have to humiliate myself in front of one of the Cullens.

When my mom finally arrived she was just in time to take me home. As I was putting on my jacket I could hear her speaking to Dr. Cullen. He had wanted to apologize about the mix up with the charts. He was acting very professional; my mother on the other hand was bent over laughing. _Thanks, Mom_.

I grabbed the car keys and headed for the exit. My mom made a brief hand gesture for me to go ahead. She seemed rather preoccupied with Dr. Cullen. Meanwhile, I decided to wait in the car. I thought it would be less painful than reliving the other most embarrassing moment of my life over and over again.

I was about to exit the building when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. It was a blonde girl in a candy striper outfit. That was the moment it hit me. The only possible explanation for the hemorrhoid fiasco: Rosalie Cullen. She must have switched the charts when she bumped into the short nurse that asked lame questions. She was absolutely _beautiful_ but she was also a stone-cold bitch.

I sat bent over in the car with my head between my knees. I kept repeating three words in my head: chili, slushie, and hemorrhoids. In the short time they had been here the Cullens had already made a huge impact on my life; both good and bad. But never again would I be able to look at those words, or say them, or hear them the same way ever again. _Chili, slushie, and hemorrhoids._


	5. But Ferris Buhler Got A Day Off

**CHAPTER 5: BUT… FERRIS BUHLER GOT A DAY OFF!**

**A/N:**

**Hey yall! **

**First of all I would like to apologize for making everyone wait for this chapter. I had SO much trouble with it. So, I know it's a bit of a filler chapter and there isn't much that happens that furthers the plot…and you may be right. However, Jessica has been having a rough couple days and she needs some filler! Won't you let her have just a little bit of filler?!**

**I want to send out a huge thanks to imperial violets! I quite literally could not have finished this chapter without you. If you haven't read any of iv's stuff you absolutely must! The next chapter of Tomorrow Never Knows is coming out soon and I'm telling you IT'S GRIPPING! **

**& BIG thanks to everyone who has reviewed and supported my writing. I know I'm cruel and make you all wait between chapters. Thank you for your loyalty. :)**

**Also, I will be following in iv's example and sending out teasers for chapter 6 to everyone who reviews this one. So… WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Read and review!**

… **What?... Oh, right… You're waiting for me to finish…Sorry about that… I'll wrap it up.**

**THANK YOU & REVIEW**

**-Constantia**

Rosalie POV

I sat at the head of the dining room table opposite of Carlisle with the rest of our family seated between us. He had called a family meeting after the incident at the hospital but so far he had only sat and stared in a failed attempt to intimidate me. The whole ordeal seemed rather pointless.

Finally Carlisle broke the silence and said, "I understand your motivation. However, it was juvenile and cruel. I expect better behavior from you in the future."He moved as though to get up from his seat but paused briefly, remembering something he had meant to add. With a hint of a smile on his lips, he spoke. "Edward, must I remind you to be cautious in your love life. A human girl would not be the wisest choice; too curious… and edible."

Everything was back to normal.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jessica POV

I could hear my mom thump thump thumping her way up the stairs toward my room. My alarm had gone off twenty minutes ago and she had called my name from the kitchen five times in the last three minutes. I quickly licked my palms like I'd seen in _Ferris Buhler's Day Off_ and tested different facial expressions in an attempt to find the one that read: _I am the living dead! Let me have a sick day! I cannot show my face at school ever again! Please, oh merciful lord and creator!_

My door swung open and my mother stood in its frame with a fierce look in her eyes. I quickly tried to adjust my face to the 'Sleeping Beauty got swine flu' look I'd come up with earlier.

"Jessica Stanley! What the hell are you doing still in bed! You need to go to school to get an education _to move out of my house before you're thirty_!"

"Oh, I don't know if I can… Mom, I think I may… Oh… It hurts… Promise me… Promise me if anything happens… Oh, oh…"

With a _huff_ and a _puff _she grabbed the bottom of my comforter and whisked it off of me and across the room. She looked down at me with big eyes and eyebrows closer together.

"Get up."

She grabbed my hand to pull me out of bed but immediately tossed it back at me. She wiped her palm on her jeans.

"Ew, Jessica. I can't believe you did that. It's disgusting and it doesn't work." _Note to self: next time use less saliva._ "Now, up. You're going to school and that's final."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey Jess!" Mike called after me as I sped down the hall toward my locker.

"Hey."

"Slow down. You'll get a speeding ticket."

So far I had been able to avoid running into any of the Cullens and I wasn't going to stick around long enough to risk any of them seeing me. The fake hemorrhoids was even more embarrassing than the incident in the cafeteria and I was sure Rosalie had gone home and told all her brothers and sisters about it… including Edward. There was no way I could face any of them today.

Mike caught up with me, "So, I heard about yesterday." I felt all of my internal organs suddenly drop to my feet. _That soulless bitch!_ Not only did she tell her family, she let everyone know that I had fake hemorrhoids last night. I was so humiliated.

"Yeah," Mike said, "Angela told me you got a concussion." _Oh. Okay, I take back the soulless part but she's still a bitch._ "Are you feeling better? You'll still be able to play volleyball, right?"

"Angela overreacted, it's nothing serious. I'll be fine."

"Good, good."

I finally reached my locker and, with a quick look over my shoulder to check for Cullens, I swung it open and grabbed my textbooks for my next two classes as quickly as possible.

Mike must have noticed, "Pretty boy and the Perfects didn't show up today, they've gone camping.

My heart soared thankfully. I was being spared any further humiliation. Camping? I was a little jealous, my parents would never take me on a school day. But that meant… _Great_. I was approaching this all wrong. I should have been reading _The Outdoorswoman_ or something. I didn't fully understand though. Could someone that looked and dressed as well as him be into a granola, cargo pants, heavy foot wear wearing girl. It was time to up my game.

Then it dawned on me. _Who the hell goes camping in the middle of the week?_ I was lost in my thoughts for too long and Mike started to look at me like my concussion was coming back.

"You sure you'll be okay for volley ball?"

"How do you know?"

"How do I know that you're not up for volley ball?"

"No, idiot. How do you know they went camping?"

He smirked and I knew this information would cost me. I sized him up and placed my first offer. We had done this so many times since elementary school that we had begun to sound like auctioneers rattling off their offers and counteroffers.

"Lunch. My treat. Fries and a Coke."

"Fries a Coke and a Sloppy Joe."

"No Sloppy Joe. Make it a chicken burger."

"It's Sloppy Joe day. I want a Sloppy Joe."

"Why a Sloppy Joe?"

"Sloppy Joe or no deal."

"."

"Okay," Mike relaxed and cleared his throat dramatically. "The Cullens came into my parents' store yesterday. They even signed up for our mailing list. They bought a bunch of hiking equipment and told my mom they would be taking advantage of the nice weather today to explore the 'natural beauties of the woods'. _That_ is how I know."

"That wasn't worth a Sloppy Joe."

Finally able to rest easy I made my way to Miss Ridley's class and I will begrudgingly admit that school wasn't quite as terrible as I had anticipated. I didn't have to face the Cullens and Angela kept my fake hemorrhoids a secret. I totally owed her.

As I sat in class I thought about the past couple days. It was nice to have no distractions. I could concentrate on what was important and make a game plan. So far my luck had been completely non-existent and I had managed to make a fool of myself more times than I could count. It was about time for my luck to change.

I made an oath that period, while Miss Ridley explained the importance of Freytag's Pyramid. I swore to be brave and bold. I swore to be cute and confident. I swore to stop waiting around and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I swore to suck it up and ask Edward out.

I was terrified.

Remember: TEASERS

… well, you get the idea.


	6. Eating Food At The Same Time

**A/N**

Okay, so I screwed something up and now people are having trouble reviewing. Sooo I'm re-uploading _Eating... Part 1_ as Chapter Six and re-uploading Part 2 and Part 2 1/2 as Chapter Seven. Hopefuly this will fix any reviewing problems.

Once again, I'm sorry.

I own nothing :(

ENJOY!

**CHAPTER 6: EATING FOOD AT THE SAME TIME**

**PART 1**

Edward POV

Hunting had been both torture and complete bliss. On one hand, my mind could finally rest at ease knowing Jessica Stanley was far away. On the other hand, everyone, even Esme, had fun teasing me about my fan club or my new 'girlfriend'. It didn't help that even when they weren't saying things aloud they could still drive me insane.

I was trying to push it all aside, clear my mind, and worry about more important things. But, I had this terrible feeling that something was coming. Or maybe it was only one of Alice's premonitions bouncing around in her head. I tried to look a little deeper, intrigued by the sensation.

I glanced over toward Alice and she gave me a disapproving look. _Get out of my head Edward. _I balked, a confession of my guilt, and tried to avoid eye contact. _Caught red-handed._

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice give Emmett a nod. It was very slight but I was just able to catch it. Before I could react Emmett had firmly grabbed hold of my arm and spun me around to face him.

"So, little brother, I was thinking that you and I should have some manly bonding time. You know, build cars, pick-up chicks…"

Rosalie rolled her eyes and focused her attention on Alice and Jasper who were busy listing all the world's capitals in alphabetical order.

"Emmet, what's gotten into-" That's when I heard it. I'm not sure how I missed it before. I must have been so distracted by Alice's premonition… unless this was Alice's premonition.

Jessica Stanley made her way around the corner and down the hall with determination. With her came a chorus of: _just do it, just do it._ It was like the world's worst Nike commercial.

A large smile spread across Emmett's face."So whadya think little brother? Is it a _date_?"

Everything fell into place. I looked over at Alice who simply shrugged her shoulders and giggled as Jasper stood by her like a protector, his expression equally as smug.

My head filled with '_just do it, just do it, just do it'_ as Jessica closed the last couple of feet between us.

"Um," she cleared her throat. "Edward, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. Edward's got all the time in the world. We'll be just over here." Emmet tightened his grasp briefly before letting go and joining the others a couple lockers over.

_Be nice,_ Alice told me as I turned to face Jessica. _And remember, you will never live this down._

"So, um, Edward."

I had begun to doubt whether my name was 'Edward' or 'Um, Edward'.

"Yes, Jessica."

"Well, I was thinking (_will you go out with me)_… I mean, I thought maybe _(we could go out)_… You and I _(should go out)_...Do you… Do you like food? _(shit)_"

I hesitated for a moment before responding.

"Yes."

"Good, good. Well, I thought since you… like food and I… like food, maybe we could… eat some. You know, at the same time- I mean, together- I mean, do you want to go eat food at the same time together with me?"

"How about lunch in the caf?" It was a compromise. It was not a date but she would eat food with me and wouldn't be able to complain. In the mean time, I had to find a way to let her down easy and get the idea of a date with me out of her head.

"Oh, no-"

I quickly interrupted her. Some higher power had given me a brief opportunity to escape. Before she could finish her sentence with the '_like a real date, like, like, with me, and, like, together, like, a date… at night' _that I could already hear bouncing around in her head, I blurted out a quick goodbye, spun around and hurried, as quickly as my human façade would allow, down the hall.

I left her in my wake completely bewildered as my siblings looked on with amused grins. We all knew this was not the end of Jessica Stanley. Alice could see it, I could hear it, and Jasper could feel it: she would try again before the day was done.

**E/N:**

Hey! I didn't want to kep you from reading Part 1 so I'm putting this in the e/n.

A lot of people have been asking about Edward and Jessica getting together and I'm not going to say too much (you'll have to keep reading) but one thing I can say for sure is that they will not be getting together. Sorry. No happily ever after with avampire for Jessica.

I know some people will be dissapointed and I might have mislead some of you with the AU-Human OCC in the story summary. I honestly didnt even really realize that was there until today and it is totaly wrong. It must have been really early in the morning and I was thinking of something else.

This story was written as a true pre-Twilight.I wanted to explain and explore how Jessica found out the Cullens were 'together together' and why she introduced them to Bella like she did (i.e. girls at Forks aren't good enough for Edward). SM makes it clear that Jessica had a thing for Edward (who wouldn't) but she leaves a lot unaswered about the Cullens in Forks pre-Bella. Something had to happen before she showed up in junior year and, knowing the Cullens, it could not have been boring.

I wanted to be true to the Twilight plot. This story should (more or less) fit in.

I hope this explains things. And I hope no one is too dissapointed.

C


	7. Eating Food At The Same Time Continued

**A/N:**

I just realized how great the timing is for this chapter with the world cup going on... lol... (you'll get it later).

Sorry for the wait. I hope it's worth it.

BIG thanks to all my readers and a BIG thanks and a virtual hug to imperial violets!

If you haven't checked out any of imperial violets stuff read it NOW!... well, read this chapter first THEN go read her's. Her knew story I Want You is _fabulous_ of Law of Superposition (action packed!).

Again, I don't own anything. SM does.

**EATING FOOD AT THE SAME TIME (CONTINUED):**

**PART 2**

Jessica POV

I sat and starred across the cafeteria at the back of a perfectly untidy bronze head.

'_We could eat food at the same time… together.' Omigahd! I am such a dumbass!_ _I can't believe I actually said that._

I was still beating myself up over the 'no' that had word vomited out of my mouth earlier that day. Why did I say 'But, no'? Why didn't I say something sexier and womanly like: 'Actually, I thought we could go out Friday night and get to know each other… if you know what I mean'. That would have gotten his attention and gotten me a well deserved and well overdue date.

It had already been three hours and seventeen minutes since I spoke to Edward this morning and, according to Angela, that was plenty of time for a teenage boy to bounce back and move on. I had to make another move soon or I would lose my opportunity. He could save a damsel in distress from oncoming traffic and fall madly in love with her. Imagine! _My_ Edward.

I felt as though I was being pulled in two directions. My heart was telling me to act quickly, run over to him and make him mine. Meanwhile, Lauren was trying to convince Angela that Chad Michael Murray was hotter than that guy on Smallville, which was totally _not_ cool. But this was not the time for who's hot and who's hotter. Now was the time to be bold.

_Deep breath Jessica… just do it._

Edward POV

Alice and Emmet sat side by side with a twinkle in their eye and plastic forks in hand. They slowly raised the forks like microphones and began their sportscast.

'And she's off!' Emmet began as he watched Jessica get up from her seat. 'This is going to be a close one folks. Newton has already spotted her and is on his way to intercept her play. Will she make it?'

Alice quickly picked up where he left off. 'She grabs her tray and… _Oh_, did you see her dodge that passing janitor. She will gain two style points for that move Emmet.'

'Yes indeed Alice. But whatdya know she seems to have forgotten something… her bookbag!'

'She's going to have to retrieve it before she can move any further Emmet.'

'That is an amateur mistake Alice. Three poise points will be deducted from her score.'

'She has gotten the bag over her shoulder and is now back on course with her signature determination and swagger. She might be able to recover from this Emmet.'

'Anything is possible Alice. The real question is whether Newton will be able to catch up. He has covered a lot of ground in the time it took Stanley to turn back.'

'And she fakes left… fakes right… decides to step over the chair in her path and continues toward the finish.'

'Newton has attempted the same over-the-chair move but look! His pants are too low and he is unable to make it smoothly over the chair. That stumble will cost him Alice.'

'You can never underestimate a miniskirt Emmet. Stanley is now approaching the finish at record speed.'

'It looks like Stanley wins this round Alice.'

'Who could've seen that coming?'

Jessica stood at the end of the table, mildly out of breath. She was trying to decide the best way to get me alone.

"(_Edward, could I have a word?... A moment?... Hey big boy, I've got something to say…_)"

In an attempt to avoid what can now only be seen as the inevitable I hurriedly asked Jessica to join us at the table. Rosalie grimaced while Emmet looked somewhat confused but, nonetheless, entertained.

Jessica pulled up a chair and wedged it into the space between me and Rosalie. Emmet, on Rosalie's other side, shuffled his chair closer leaving Alice and Jasper with half the table to themselves…but they didn't mind.

Jessica grinned nervously from ear to ear. She opened her bag and pulled a sandwich out of a pack lunch. She unwrapped it hastily and took a large bite. That's when she realized not only that everyone was starring at her but also that she was the only one eating, our untouched food pilled on our trays.

She slowly and carefully laid her sandwich down on the table.

"So, how do you like Forks?" she asked tentatively.

"It's annoying" Rosalie said dismissively, turning to Emmet.

"What she meant," Alice jumped in, "is that all this rain is no good for her hair."

"Oh," Jessica tried again, "Well, I'm sure you'll get used to it soon enough."

Jasper nodded the introduction to a long painful silence. Jessica looked down at the table while everyone else looked at her (except Rosalie, she couldn't bother). Eventually, Alice broke through the silence.

"So, Jessica, you've lived here all your life?"

""Yup" Jessica responded, her voice jumping an octave and her eyes bugging out of her head. An inner monologue of rang through my head. It felt as though my brain had been struck by lightning.

Jasper coughed out a laugh into his sleeve as Alice turned questioningly to Emmet who was now practically sitting on Rose's lap, a look of concentration on his face. Rose went to push him off but he clung to her saying," But Rose, Rosie, Ro-Ro, Roses…" until she reluctantly gave in.

Jessica and I were so distracted at the time that neither of us noticed Emmet and Rose until something else began pounding through Jessica's mind that caught my interest.

"(_I can't believe he's playing footsies with me! I could get used to this!_)"

Entirely confused and quite sure both my feet were firmly planted on the floor I quickly and conspicuously dropped a plastic fork. As I leaned over to pick it up I peered under the table. Sure enough, both my feet were on the floor and not all over Jessica. However, there _was_ a game of footsies going on and Jessica _was_ the object of such foot's attention.

Under the table Edward saw Emmet's leg stretched precariously across Rosalie's lap and around Jessica so as to appear that it was me who was fondling her leg.

As I came up, I felt something else entirely new. Jessica's hand lay firmly on my knee.

The rollercoaster of sexual daydreams, _omigahomigahomigahd_-ing, stalking, teasing, and now the simple yet suggestive gesture of her hand on my leg… my upper leg all flashed through my mind in a split second. That's it. I was unable to take anymore. I wanted out. So, I hastily got up from the table.

"Jessica, I need to tell you something" burst from my mouth.

Emmet, having removed his foot in the nick of time and sitting in his own seat, looked up at me with curiosity. Jessica, almost as excited as Emmet, looked up expectantly as well.

I racked my brain for an excuse. A reason for her to _stop_. Suddenly, I blurted the only reasonable thing that came to mind ('I am a vampire' being a little too dramatic).

"I have a girlfriend."

Jessica, Emmet, Rosalie, and Jasper gasped together in astonishment while Alice snickered into her napkin. All eyes were now on me as I finished my sentence… with a name. I uttered the word that I knew would condemn me to incessant teasing from my family _but_ free me from Jessica Stanley.

"I have a girlfriend," I repeated, "Tanya."

Even though Jessica had no idea who this person was she marched out of the cafeteria on the verge of tears._ How dare he toy with my emotions_, she kept thinking, _Men._

**PART 2 ½**

Jasper POV

I watched Alice twirl around the room, dancing to music only she could hear. Edward sat, moody, starring at the piano.

Without warning, Alice stopped mid spin and her eyes glazed over with the familiar expression of a new vision. Edward's slight turn of the head made it clear that he had seen it too.

A new, overwhelming tide of emotion flowed through my body. _Why do I get the feeling Edward is happy. Very happy._

**E/N:**

Please review and let me know what you think!

... the end is near! you may not have another oppertunity.

Okay, you will. There's at least two more chapters coming.

BUT THAT'S IT!

Thanks again for reading :D

Now review!


End file.
